Dealing With Grief

0:00 Oh yeah, cousin the Ken folks, get on up in here. It is time for your favorite podcast that my season sixth episode too, currently under construction. Thank you all for joining us. You already know who it is if you nephew, your cousin, your Ken folk, uh king hub, thank you so much for joining us. Man, I got a great show for you all today. Man, we are in season six. This is an episode two. Man, I'm so grateful to be here, so grateful to still be doing this after six seasons. Man, it is just amazing. And again, I just wanna take the time to thank you all for being here, for join us, for being a part of this journey, getting me, for rocking with before, encouraging me, for uplifting me the way that you do. And that's what we do here early in the construction. That's what it's all about. Continue to uplifting and courage each and everyone while having meaningful dialogue. And we definitely have some great dialogue for you today. So listen, cousin Ken Thos.

0:54 I'm not gonna just uh tally long. I'm gonna get right into it. Uh. Today, I want to talk to you all about grief, like right here, you're right, do you do? You're right? King up. You're talking about grief. Yes, we're talking about grief, something that we all go through, any emotion that you all did with and go through on some level at any given point of time. Grief is a hard thing for any of us to deal with. And whatever level or whatever stage or grief that you're in right now, it is something hard to do. Before I go into further, I want to right now acknowledge the fact that my family and I are going through grief right now. I lost on my father's side, I lost one of my one of my closest cousins, my first cousin, Curtis. Want to send a shout out to his wife, his son, just the passing of my cousin. Uh.

2:00 I won't get into the details right now of what happened, but that's to say the fact that hey, you know, he has his crown now. He has his crown now, and just rest on, cousin, if you were going through you don't have to go through it anymore, and just rest on. And it's a little hard for me, cousin, and can folks who just stay there with me. But I just wanted to share it with you all cause you know that that's what we do here currently under construction. Regardless of how hard things are, we share uh, those painful emotional uh uh times and things, we share them with each other here currently under construction. So I wanna uh ask for your prayers for my family and that God will uh wrap his arms of comfort around each and every one of us. Uh. But like I said earlier, uh rest on cousin grief. Like I said, it's it's a hard thing for any of us to go through.

3:06 Some of us are in certain parts of it. Some of us maybe not even seem like we are grieving, but by the same token, you know we are. Everybody goes through grief, you know. Uh. No one can sit and tell you how you should feel or how long you should be, you know, grieving for whatever you're grieving for, And a lot of times it doesn't necessarily have to be a death that you're grieving. It could be the loss of anything. It could be the loss of a job. It could be the loss of your home. It could be the loss of your sensibility. It could be the loss of a marriage and you're going through a divorce.

3:53 It could be a number of things that you go through when you're grieving. But no no one can sit and tell you where or how you should grieve, or that you shouldn't, or how far along you should be, or what you should do. No one has the right to tell you that. What we have to learn, cousins of ken folks, is to allow ourselves to grieve. Now, if most of you were born in the age that I was, I'm a gen x Er, most of us in gen x or before the baby boomers, you know, we were all conditioned and told that, hey, you shouldn't grieve, you should take that push it down and keep going.

4:38 But a lot of times that doesn't work. A lot of times it will. It will hurt you. It will cause you a lot of trauma in your life to be able to take that grief and push it down. And everybody's not capable of doing that, And for those of us who were made to do so, at some point it's going to come out, regardless of how well you're able to push it down. Give you an example, if you put dirt in a cylinder and you constantly filling that dirt full of cylinder, at some point that dirt is going to overflow, and it's going to come out, and when it comes out, it's not going to come out in a good way. It's going to come out violently.

5:20 It's going to come out and not the same way it was put in. It's the same way with grief. You can only push that down for so long, hold on to it for so long until you get to the particular point to where it's going to come out. And when it comes out, it's not going to come out in a positive manner. It's going to come out in a very negative way, a way that could hurt you, you know, in so many different ways. And another way it could come out that we don't think about. It can come out and affect you physically. Holding on to grief and and pushing it down and dealing with it and holding on to it can can affect you physically to the point of where you start experiencing physical illnesses, whether you're stressing and you develop high blood pressure, or you could possibly uh developing aneurysm or something like that.

6:25 It just so many different ways it could come out and affect you. Affects you to the point to where it causes your muscles to ache and your joints to ache and to do things, and you to move like you don't norminate it because you're holding onto that stress and it has to find a way to come out. And the way that it's coming out, it's affecting your body and that's just not a good thing. But it can also affect your your mental wellness. That's the thing that I'm looking at more than anything, because if it can, if you're still pushing able to push it down, then it still has to come out, but for affect your mental illness until you can get to the point where you're angry all the time, or you could enter a state of depression. And what I'm and when you're looking at asking right now, well, cousin, what are you talking about? Well, let me let me backtrack a second, cousins, and and and I may be moving a little ahead of myself if I am, I apologize, but we're going to get back to it. But I know most of us have heard of the five stages of grief, and the five stages of grief, not in any particular order or denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And a lot of times we don't go through all of those stages. Not everyone goes through each of those stages. Some of the sometimes things are some of these stages are comes in, you know, increments. You don't go through each stage of depression in order or

7:58 all at one particular time, but you're at some of it or another, especially if it's left unchecked. But grief can affect you in any in all of those particular ways. When I lost my mom, and I know a lot of you've heard me speak the story, but when I lost my mom, I was in a state of depression and didn't even realize it. I had to come to terms the fact that I lost my mother, that she was going that I was never gonna be able to pick up the phone and talk to her again. But I went into a state of depression and didn't realize it. And it took a really good friend to, you know, make me realize that, Hey, you are not you. I'm like, what you mean, Like, you're not yourself? You smile and you laugh, you joke, but that's not you. I'm like, I'm still confused. There's no joy in your eyes. I'm like, oh wow. So regardless that the people that knew me knew I I laugh and I joke all the time.

9:06 You know that I'm a clown and I'm a goofield whatnot. But there was no joy in my eyes. That's deep. But it took that friend to point that out to me for me to do a check in with myself, and I realized I wasn't me, I wasn't happy. I was definitely dealing with it. I definitely was in a state of depression because of things that I always done or had enjoyed doing. I wasn't doing those things. I was getting by, I was getting through day by day, but I was not me. I was not myself. I was just peddling along, as some of the old people will say. So I had to do something about that, and I'm grateful that I did. I'm grateful that I took the time to check in to see about me, to do something about that. And that's what I want you all to do, cousins and ken folks. Make sure you take the time to do a self evaluation, or as it's sometimes called, a check in with yourself to make sure that you're okay. Do it on a regular basis if you can, you know, check in with yourself at least once a month to make sure, Hey, am I doing all right? Am I doing the things so that I need to do to make me happy? Am I happy in my job? Am I happy in my

10:36 everyday life? Do I have a work home life balance? You know? Am I taking the time to meet my needs? What are my needs? Once you know and understand what your needs are, then you can make sure that when you check in with yourself that you're meeting those needs, because if not, you may be going through a stage of grief and may be unaware of it. So I want you to make sure that you're always checking in with yourself, cousins and kin folks, that that is vitally important, vitally important that you do so. And again, if you are grieving in any shape form of fashion, it's okay to do so. Make sure that you allow yourself to grieve.

11:19 It's okay to do so. There's a a termin that sounds cliches all our doors, but I find it to be very true that it's okay not to be okay, And it is it's definitely okay not to be okay, cousins and king folks, cause nobody can sit and tell you how you should or shouldn't feel if you're having an a not so good day, that's fine to allow yourself to have that day, to have their time and to to figure out what it is that you need to do for you. It's okay to do that, but don't stay in it. Try to make sure that you work your way through it. And that's the key, work through.

12:03 Don't stay in it. Try not to stay in it, but go through. Now that's easier said than done. We still have to do the work, cousins and ken folks, we still have to do the work. There's no way around that. We have to do the work. Even now for me myself. You know, I have my days here or there that I'm grieving my mother, or I'm grieving my daughter, or I think about my granny and I'm still grieving her. But I still have to keep going. I still have to check in on myself. I still have to do the work to make sure that I'm okay.

12:44 Not push that down, Not push it down and keep going, but work through it and keep going to make sure that I can continue to move forward and becoming the best version of me that I can. That's how we tend to make mistakes in life, and we end up doing things, or we end up sabotaged in some relationships, work, personal relationships, friendships, whatever, we can sabotize those because we may be going through a stage of grief or we may not have checked in ourselves or doing the things that we need to do to ensure that hey, we're okay, that we're still moving forward to become the best versions of ourselves that we can. And that's what I want you to do. I want you to always do that, cousins and kin folks, because you deserve that. You deserve to always have or be the best version of you, not for no one else but for you. You deserve that.

13:48 But we got to take the time to do the work, cousins and kin folks, and do it for ourselves. We have to. And I'm saying we, not just me saying that that's what you need to do. I need to do it also. I need to make sure that I'm doing whatever I need to do to continue to be the best version of myself or moving forward and becoming the best version of myself each and every day. This is an ongoing thing we have to do, cousins and kin folks. This is ongoing. It never stops. It never stops. That's not a bad thing. And that's what I want you to get an understand right now. That is not a bad thing at all. By no means is that a bad thing. So get on board with it. Whether you're able to do it yourself, Hey, there's nothing wrong with you getting in. Ensure that you have some type of therapy, you know, talk to a therapist or a counselor about what you're dealing with, what you're going through, so we can so the two of you can develop a plan so that you can help you be a better version of you, so you can walk through each day with your head held high, with a true smile on your face, and that you're able to give your loved ones the love that they need from you and

15:23 you're able to receive it. Also, because it's hard to give and receive that when you're dealing with grief and you're dealing with some form of depression or you're not the best version of yourself, it's hard to do that. But again, allow yourself the opportunity to grieve in whatever timeframe that you need. No one grieves the same way, no one does. We all grieve differently, but recognize the fact of you grieving and allow yourself to go through that grief, please, so that way you can work through it, go through it, come out on the other side of it.

16:20 It's an ongoing thing. It is. When I hear people say, oh, well, it'll take time, but everything will get better in time, that's not entirely a true statement. It's not. I miss my mom, my grandma, my dad, my daughter the same day right now as I do from the day that they left this plane of existence that God called them home. I miss them just as much. That pain is still there just as much. But each day I'm I'm working toward being the best version of myself and allowing myself to go through that grief and experience that grief whenever it hits me. It doesn't hit me all the time, but when it does, I allow myself to feel that, to feel like grief. Whether I feel like I want to cry, whether I feel like I want to punch the air, whether I feel like I just want to scream, or whatever the case may be, I allow myself the opportunity to do that, and the time to do that, and the space to do that. Make sure that you have people in your circle, who can recognize that, will allow you to do that, who will support you if and when that happens. Don't surround yourself with people saying, well, you need to get about your feelings and get over that.

17:45 You know they gone, they ain't coming back. I don't listen to those people that say craziness like that at all. They don't. They're talking about allow yourself time to go through that because you deserved that it. You deserve it, and let nobody tell you anything differently. You grieve for your loved one, you allow yourself to go through that, those stages of grief, that form of grief, that time of grief, so you can move forward. Don't push it down just to get through it. Don't do any of that.

18:26 Allow yourself to go through it, that time frame to go through it so you can move forward, so you can begin your stage of your place of healing within you and keep moving forward. And that's the key to keep moving forward. Keep moving forward. Cousins. Again, folks, I know a lot of what I'm saying. It sounds like I'm repeating myself, and I am because I really want you to get it. I really want you to understand now I'm really pushing this home as you deserve that. I love you, and there's nothing that you can do about it. Y'all my family, y'all my people, and I'm always make sure that you're good, and I'm always make sure that I whatever it is that we're discussing or that I'm bringing to you, I'm gonna push it home for you because you deserve nothing less than that. So continue to move forward to make sure we're being the best version of ourselves. But I want you to remember this.

19:33 I want you to get this out so cousins, I can foss well as you move forward and building a plan for you to move forward, I want you to consider these three things. I want you to consider the three seeds, something that my therapist talked about with me. I want you to be able to choose, connect and communicate. Choose connect and communicate what's best for you. Even during those dark bouts of grief, you possess the dignity of choice. I'm gonna say that again, even during those dark bouts of grief, you possess the dignity of choice. Because when you're going through Greece, it's almost feeling like a sense of a loss of control. But it's not you possess you.

20:29 I'll say it again, you possess the dignity of choice. So how whatever you choose and your path to move forward, remember it's always in your control, never without all Right, cousin, the Ken folks were gonna get ready to get on a body here. I know it got a little deep today. We normally don't get in some of these deep, deep topics like this until later on in the season, but hey, I'm hitting you with it, or I'm hitting you with it early. Listen, got I know we're gonna have a holiday giveaway, but we're gonna have another giveaway before that. Uh, within the next month, I will be announcing that giveaway from one of our sponsors and what you have to do or what's gonna entail and that you moving forward to be able to uh to participate in this giveaway.

21:29 What's going to be given away and what we're giving away and how you can take advantage of that. I'll be bringing that information here to you and the next month or so. So I want you to keep it lock right here, keep listening in and be a part of it. I want you to be a part of it. I want each and ever last one of you to be a part of it. You know. Uh, we have new sponsors that I've that are part of the podcast now and I'm really grateful for them. And then they want to ensure that we as a community are shown that you've shown that you are appreciated for following us, for supporting us and everything, and they want to show their appreciation with you in these giveaways. That that's going to happen. So we have several giveaways coming up this season.

22:19 You don't want to miss them, but you definitely don't want to miss this first giveaway of our new season, and you definitely don't want to miss that Christmas giveaway. You do not You know that what that means to me. You know how big I am on there because the holiday giveaway and this is a remembrance of my mother because she took care of so many different people during the holidays and fed everyone and anyone, So you know what that means to me. So I'm very big on that. So we're definitely looking forward to that later in the season, later in this season before Christmas, so you don't want to miss it. Please make sure because we're feeding more families this year than we have in the last few years.

23:03 Combined ten families this year, five local regionally, five nationally. You don't want to miss that. Causin's again, folks, listen. I'm gonna get on up out of here. Remember you can listen to us wherever you listen to, wherever you get your podcasts. Remember we broadcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Pocketcasts, Radio Public, Dezer, iHeartRadio castro Cast, Box and men and many others. Now, no, you didn't hear me say Google podcasts, And I know you wonder why for all of our Google podcasts listeners. Google podcasts went away. It no longer exists. So you can definitely still listen to us and catch us on all those other platforms, or you can listen to us on our personal platform on our website at www dot underconstruction dot com. Once again, you can listen to us at www Dot underconstruction dot com. But wherever you listen to your podcast, you're still supporting us and we love that. Get on in here, Get on in here, all right, cousins ken Foles. We're gonna get read to get on out of here. But before we do, get on in here with me, you know our model. Oh before I forget and that's on me. Any topic that you have that you want us to discuss, or anything that you want to sell for you just want to say hi. Remember, you can email the podcast at under Construction nineteen seventy four at yahoo dot com. That is under construction nineteen seventy four at yahoo dot com. We

24:33 are working on a new email for the show that's going to be coming up soon, so be on the lookout for, you know, for our own personal server for the podcast, so be on the lookout for that. With that, we'll be able to give you access to more things giveaways. We have merchandise that's in the works. Oh yes, we have under construction merchandise that is in the works. This is it's all going to be a part of our new email bag that you'll be able to purchase those products stools, so be on the lookout for that that is upcoming. These things will come into the effect in effect after our midyear hiatus, after the new year, so definitely be on the lookout for that. I'll keep you all posted on that. But yes, we do finally have after you've been asking me for the last couple of seasons.

25:25 We're gonna have any under construction, currently under construction. Merch is coming, it's here, it's almost here. Be on the lookout for it. But yes again, if you have it for right now, if you have any topics or anything that you may want to discuss, so you just want to say hi, I remember you can email the show at under Construction nineteen seventy four at yahoo dot com. All right, cousins and ken folks, get on up out of here and get out of you. I have. But remember takes a village to make this thing happen, and you all are my village, and we're gonna continue to build this thing together, you and I step by step, one brick at a time, currently under construction. I love your cousin and ken folks. Talk to you soon. Peace,