Aug. 27, 2024
Dealing With Grief
On this newest episode of CUC. We dive into the Grief. We touch base on the different stages, how to focus on navigating through those stages. And how to work on becoming the best version of yourself each day. You dont want to missn this powerful...
On this newest episode of CUC. We dive into the Grief. We touch base on the different stages, how to focus on navigating through those stages. And how to work on becoming the best version of yourself each day. You dont want to missn this powerful episode. Remember to share and subscribe and tell a friend.
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WEBVTT
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Oh yeah, cousin the Ken folks, get on up in here.
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It is time for your favorite podcast that my season
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sixth episode too, currently under construction. Thank you all for
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joining us. You already know who it is if you nephew,
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your cousin, your Ken folk, uh king hub, thank you
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so much for joining us. Man, I got a great
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show for you all today. Man, we are in season six.
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This is an episode two. Man, I'm so grateful to
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be here, so grateful to still be doing this after
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six seasons. Man, it is just amazing. And again, I
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just wanna take the time to thank you all for
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being here, for join us, for being a part of
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this journey, getting me, for rocking with before, encouraging me,
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for uplifting me the way that you do. And that's
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what we do here early in the construction. That's what
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it's all about. Continue to uplifting and courage each and
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everyone while having meaningful dialogue. And we definitely have some
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great dialogue for you today. So listen, cousin Ken Thos.
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I'm not gonna just uh tally long. I'm gonna get
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right into it. Uh. Today, I want to talk to
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you all about grief, like right here, you're right, do
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you do? You're right? King up. You're talking about grief. Yes,
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we're talking about grief, something that we all go through,
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any emotion that you all did with and go through
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on some level at any given point of time. Grief
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is a hard thing for any of us to deal with.
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And whatever level or whatever stage or grief that you're
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in right now, it is something hard to do. Before
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I go into further, I want to right now acknowledge
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the fact that my family and I are going through
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grief right now. I lost on my father's side, I
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lost one of my one of my closest cousins, my
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first cousin, Curtis. Want to send a shout out to
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his wife, his son, just the passing of my cousin. Uh.
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I won't get into the details right now of what happened,
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but that's to say the fact that hey, you know,
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he has his crown now. He has his crown now,
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and just rest on, cousin, if you were going through
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you don't have to go through it anymore, and just
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rest on. And it's a little hard for me, cousin,
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and can folks who just stay there with me. But
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I just wanted to share it with you all cause
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you know that that's what we do here currently under construction.
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Regardless of how hard things are, we share uh, those
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painful emotional uh uh times and things, we share them
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with each other here currently under construction. So I wanna
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uh ask for your prayers for my family and that
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God will uh wrap his arms of comfort around each
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and every one of us. Uh. But like I said earlier,
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uh rest on cousin grief. Like I said, it's it's
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a hard thing for any of us to go through.
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Some of us are in certain parts of it. Some
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of us maybe not even seem like we are grieving,
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but by the same token, you know we are. Everybody
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goes through grief, you know. Uh. No one can sit
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and tell you how you should feel or how long
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you should be, you know, grieving for whatever you're grieving for,
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And a lot of times it doesn't necessarily have to
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be a death that you're grieving. It could be the
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loss of anything. It could be the loss of a job.
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It could be the loss of your home. It could
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be the loss of your sensibility. It could be the
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loss of a marriage and you're going through a divorce.
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It could be a number of things that you go
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through when you're grieving. But no no one can sit
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and tell you where or how you should grieve, or
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that you shouldn't, or how far along you should be,
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or what you should do. No one has the right
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to tell you that. What we have to learn, cousins
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of ken folks, is to allow ourselves to grieve. Now,
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if most of you were born in the age that
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I was, I'm a gen x Er, most of us
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in gen x or before the baby boomers, you know,
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we were all conditioned and told that, hey, you shouldn't grieve,
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you should take that push it down and keep going.
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But a lot of times that doesn't work. A lot
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of times it will. It will hurt you. It will
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cause you a lot of trauma in your life to
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be able to take that grief and push it down.
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And everybody's not capable of doing that, And for those
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of us who were made to do so, at some
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point it's going to come out, regardless of how well
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you're able to push it down. Give you an example,
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if you put dirt in a cylinder and you constantly
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filling that dirt full of cylinder, at some point that
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dirt is going to overflow, and it's going to come out,
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and when it comes out, it's not going to come
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out in a good way. It's going to come out violently.
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It's going to come out and not the same way
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it was put in. It's the same way with grief.
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You can only push that down for so long, hold
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on to it for so long until you get to
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the particular point to where it's going to come out.
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And when it comes out, it's not going to come
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out in a positive manner. It's going to come out
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in a very negative way, a way that could hurt you,
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you know, in so many different ways. And another way
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it could come out that we don't think about. It
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can come out and affect you physically. Holding on to
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grief and and pushing it down and dealing with it
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and holding on to it can can affect you physically
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to the point of where you start experiencing physical illnesses,
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whether you're stressing and you develop high blood pressure, or
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you could possibly uh developing aneurysm or something like that.
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It just so many different ways it could come out
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and affect you. Affects you to the point to where
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it causes your muscles to ache and your joints to
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ache and to do things, and you to move like
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you don't norminate it because you're holding onto that stress
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and it has to find a way to come out.
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And the way that it's coming out, it's affecting your
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body and that's just not a good thing. But it
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can also affect your your mental wellness. That's the thing
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that I'm looking at more than anything, because if it can,
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if you're still pushing able to push it down, then
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it still has to come out, but for affect your
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mental illness until you can get to the point where
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you're angry all the time, or you could enter a
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state of depression. And what I'm and when you're looking
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at asking right now, well, cousin, what are you talking about? Well,
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let me let me backtrack a second, cousins, and and
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and I may be moving a little ahead of myself
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if I am, I apologize, but we're going to get
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back to it. But I know most of us have
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heard of the five stages of grief, and the five
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stages of grief, not in any particular order or denial, anger, bargaining, depression,
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and acceptance. And a lot of times we don't go
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through all of those stages. Not everyone goes through each
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of those stages. Some of the sometimes things are some
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of these stages are comes in, you know, increments. You
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don't go through each stage of depression in order or
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all at one particular time, but you're at some of
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it or another, especially if it's left unchecked. But grief
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can affect you in any in all of those particular ways.
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When I lost my mom, and I know a lot
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of you've heard me speak the story, but when I
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lost my mom, I was in a state of depression
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and didn't even realize it. I had to come to
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terms the fact that I lost my mother, that she
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was going that I was never gonna be able to
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pick up the phone and talk to her again. But
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I went into a state of depression and didn't realize it.
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And it took a really good friend to, you know,
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make me realize that, Hey, you are not you. I'm like,
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what you mean, Like, you're not yourself? You smile and
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you laugh, you joke, but that's not you. I'm like,
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I'm still confused. There's no joy in your eyes. I'm like,
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oh wow. So regardless that the people that knew me
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knew I I laugh and I joke all the time.
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You know that I'm a clown and I'm a goofield whatnot.
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But there was no joy in my eyes. That's deep.
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But it took that friend to point that out to
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me for me to do a check in with myself,
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and I realized I wasn't me, I wasn't happy. I
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was definitely dealing with it. I definitely was in a
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state of depression because of things that I always done
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or had enjoyed doing. I wasn't doing those things. I
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was getting by, I was getting through day by day,
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but I was not me. I was not myself. I
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was just peddling along, as some of the old people
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will say. So I had to do something about that,
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and I'm grateful that I did. I'm grateful that I
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took the time to check in to see about me,
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to do something about that. And that's what I want
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you all to do, cousins and ken folks. Make sure
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you take the time to do a self evaluation, or
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as it's sometimes called, a check in with yourself to
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make sure that you're okay. Do it on a regular
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basis if you can, you know, check in with yourself
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at least once a month to make sure, Hey, am
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I doing all right? Am I doing the things so
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that I need to do to make me happy? Am
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I happy in my job? Am I happy in my
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everyday life? Do I have a work home life balance?
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You know? Am I taking the time to meet my needs?
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What are my needs? Once you know and understand what
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your needs are, then you can make sure that when
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you check in with yourself that you're meeting those needs,
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because if not, you may be going through a stage
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of grief and may be unaware of it. So I
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want you to make sure that you're always checking in
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with yourself, cousins and kin folks, that that is vitally important,
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vitally important that you do so. And again, if you
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are grieving in any shape form of fashion, it's okay
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to do so. Make sure that you allow yourself to grieve.
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It's okay to do so. There's a a termin that
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sounds cliches all our doors, but I find it to
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be very true that it's okay not to be okay,
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And it is it's definitely okay not to be okay,
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cousins and king folks, cause nobody can sit and tell
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you how you should or shouldn't feel if you're having
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an a not so good day, that's fine to allow
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yourself to have that day, to have their time and
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to to figure out what it is that you need
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to do for you. It's okay to do that, but
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don't stay in it. Try to make sure that you
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work your way through it. And that's the key, work through.
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Don't stay in it. Try not to stay in it,
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but go through. Now that's easier said than done. We
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still have to do the work, cousins and ken folks,
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we still have to do the work. There's no way
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around that. We have to do the work. Even now
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for me myself. You know, I have my days here
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or there that I'm grieving my mother, or I'm grieving
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my daughter, or I think about my granny and I'm
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still grieving her. But I still have to keep going.
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I still have to check in on myself. I still
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have to do the work to make sure that I'm okay.
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Not push that down, Not push it down and keep going,
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but work through it and keep going to make sure
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that I can continue to move forward and becoming the
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best version of me that I can. That's how we
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tend to make mistakes in life, and we end up
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doing things, or we end up sabotaged in some relationships, work,
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personal relationships, friendships, whatever, we can sabotize those because we
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may be going through a stage of grief or we
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may not have checked in ourselves or doing the things
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that we need to do to ensure that hey, we're okay,
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that we're still moving forward to become the best versions
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of ourselves that we can. And that's what I want
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you to do. I want you to always do that,
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cousins and kin folks, because you deserve that. You deserve
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to always have or be the best version of you,
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not for no one else but for you. You deserve that.
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But we got to take the time to do the work,
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cousins and kin folks, and do it for ourselves. We
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have to. And I'm saying we, not just me saying
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that that's what you need to do. I need to
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do it also. I need to make sure that I'm
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doing whatever I need to do to continue to be
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the best version of myself or moving forward and becoming
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the best version of myself each and every day. This
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is an ongoing thing we have to do, cousins and
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kin folks. This is ongoing. It never stops. It never stops.
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That's not a bad thing. And that's what I want
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you to get an understand right now. That is not
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a bad thing at all. By no means is that
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a bad thing. So get on board with it. Whether
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you're able to do it yourself, Hey, there's nothing wrong
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with you getting in. Ensure that you have some type
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of therapy, you know, talk to a therapist or a
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counselor about what you're dealing with, what you're going through,
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